*You can skip stuff can just read the highlighted text.

October 21, 2009

Today was an interesting day… We had SAT English with Karen for first period, and I discovered that my English is not as good as I believed. I think I need to kick it up a notch and get a head start. During naka-yasumi, O came to out classroom. He talked to Malik for a bit and teased Caleb about a mistake in his Kanji test. Teramoto sensei left it on her desk, so Caleb borrowed my pencil and eraser and corrected his mistake, but then O erased it and told him to cheat. He wasn’t actively talking/bothering me today, so I felt kind of weird. At one point, he was at the teacher’s desk and I was at my seat and we had this awkward silence. Then I noticed his deep cut on his hand (about 3 inches long and ½ an inch wide) and I asked him about it. He didn’t say anything and just showed me the inside of his hand. It was SO SHOCKING! He had open blisters and cuts EVERYWHERE on his hand. I think I was too shocked to say anything, so he made a gripping motion with his hands and said ‘baseball’. I tried to cover up the emotion inside me (I don’t know what it was. Pity, Empathy, Sympathy, Admiration?) by asking him if they hurt. I could tell he was going to say ‘no’ at first, but then he just shrugged and nodded. Ugh, that just made me actually like him. I wish I never saw it!

Oral with Karen. We had to describe people and their physical characteristics.

Culture with Rious was just us taking up the questions on the exam.

Skyped with Danielle after school. She had to finish her French essay, but she wasn’t anywhere near done. Ah, miss her. >.< 

I came home and I slept until dinner. I don’t think I can get any sleep tonight.

Anyways, Oh is still on my mind. I think I like him now. Oh, and hot Oh made my take off my glasses today. He looked through them and told me my ‘yan jing’ are big. I don’t know if he meant my eyes or my glasses…

Oh is STILL on my mind.

Still.

Oh lord, I think I like Oh!

October 23, 2009

Today was a pretty hectic day. After we had taikou rehearsal in the morning, we had to help everyone out with parama-sai prep. First, we helped Dean and Kenta with making ‘pumpkins’ out of Styrofoam, but none of them looked like pumpkins because we’re all basically artistically challenged. I made a cool-looking face with red marker J

Ya, the morning was spent just walking around and helping everyone. It’s amazing how much effort everybody puts into a school festival. If we had this in Canada, nobody would even give a fuck except for the student council. Everything’s just so elaborate and well done. I mean, we have a huge frigin stage for goodness sakes –with speakers and everything. People climbed walls to hang a string of flags across the school. We spent HOURS decorating stuff and making food.

The Kitchen people had to cut onions and defrost hot dogs or something. I vacuumed for a bit, then Rachel, Caleb and I went with Shiho back to the dorm to get Halloween decorations. When we came back, everyone was at lunch already, so we were a bit late. I had so much chicken katsudon. Ah, I eat so much! Anyways, Jeffrey had such an awkward moment today. Caleb called him out for staring at other people’s penises in the ofuro, and everybody was silent for 30 seconds. He looked so guilty when he was making his pathetic attempt at denying it.

After lunch, we helped out some more. At around 2, everybody went to the stage to go through rehearsals. We had to go to the 7^th floor to get the taikou stands. We didn’t do so well in the rehearsals, but I didn’t think we were terrible. But according to the vice principal (or whoever he is), we weren’t putting in enough effort and energy and stupid fuck like that. He actually wanted to cut us out of the show. Like, I don’t care if we did it or not, but I’d feel bad for putting Shiraishi-sensei’s efforts to waste. He ended up agreeing to let us perform, but only 6 people. Levana, Samantha, Sherry and Amanda opted out. After our practice, other groups did theirs. There were street dance, tap dance, boy groups, solos and … cheerleaders and really slutty girls doing really slutty stuff to really slutty songs. The VP didn’t hesitate to cut people off and announce his opinions. There was this one girl who got cut off within the first 15 seconds of her solo. I felt really bad for her, because she just stood there awkwardly and mumbled a ‘arigato gozaimasu’ into the microphone. Geez people, it’s a frigin SCHOOL FESTIVAL, not American Idol! I like how Japanese people put so much effort into everything, but this is just way too extreme.

Anyways, we went back to the school because it was too hot. We ended up helping out some more, but mostly we just hung out. Booth people were the first ones who finished, so we went to the computer lab until 4:30. I downloaded some songs. Kenta was being mean. First, he rips off the tape on my mouth (because we were all being silly, and I just thought it’d be a GREAT idea to tape my mouth in front of that devil), then he pokes me, unplugs the internet cord, and mocks me. Is he trying to flirt with me? He’s a cute little boy, but he’s weird sometimes.

Anyways, the day seemed REALLY long. It felt like we were up all day when it was just noon. I’m glad we got that over with. But one thing for sure, Saturday and Sunday is going to be much much worse. We have to be at the school by 7:30 tomorrow, and we’re expected to leave at around 6. Fucking sweat shop, don’t you think? Not looking forward to waking up early…

My package came back today. Kapibara-san got shipped back due to ‘insufficient adress’. Ugh, her birthday was last Monday. I feel like a retard. 16 years old and still doesn’t know how to send packages by herself.

Ai and Sae were at dinner today. They came to cook food for tomorrow. I think they had to preheat the sausages or something… Like I said, this is way too big for a stupid school festival.

After dinner, Kat and I went to run some errands. We went to Lawson to get Jibli tickets, but it turns out that they only sell 2 months in advance, so she’d have to come back in November. Then we went to Nishitetsu –I got 2 lollipops and dango, Kat bought cheesecake, daifuku and like, 6 lollipops. Then we had to pass by the bank because she needed more money. We came home after that.

I watched TV until 10. Sam, Rachel and I missed tenkou because we were so absorbed in NCIS, haha. Anyways, when I asked her if she liked anyone from our school, she replied with a ‘I don’t know’. Does that mean she THINKS she likes someone, but isn’t sure of her feelings? I resisted the urge to tell Rachel that I like O. I didn’t tell her (or anyone) because I’m not even sure about my own feelings. But I do think I like O. I think I like him a lot. I caught myself staring at the baseball team, trying to get a glimpse of him, trying to figure out if he’s thinking about me. I wish he would hurry up and ask me out already so I would say yes. I would say yes. Yes I would.

Not looking forward to getting up at 6:00 tomorrow. For the past two nights, I’ve been having trouble falling asleep because of Oh.

October 24, 2009

I was supposed to wake up at 6:10 today, but it didn’t go off because I forgot that it was Saturday and put in ‘weekday’. I woke up at 6:35 instead and had to rush to get showered.

We helped out at the Parama-sai. Rachel and I were ‘booth’ so we were outside. We handed out some fliers before we had to get dressed for taikou. The outfit was really cool, but silly at the same time. It was patterned blue with a polka-dot headband. When we talked outside, everybody stared. It was pretty hilarious. The performance was really great (we were in sync the whole time, except for the very end), but Mallen took bad videos of us. I taught him how my camera worked, but he still stuffed it up. He took 2 5-second videos and took the normal one on his third try. Aiyaiyai…

Anyways, we had to return to our jobs after that. We had to sell hotdogs in the burning sun. We were running around yelling “Hoto Dogu ikaga desu ka?”. Too bad we only sold 2 and 1 coke. Starting tomorrow, we have to sell the whole box or we can’t come back. 

At lunch, the two Chinese basketballers were there with Hot Oh eating lunch. I think O said something about me, and then tried to ask me for my name again. He kept on asking ‘Xin Xiao jie’, what’s your name? I just smiled and didn’t answer him. The hot basketball dude smiled too. J What a cutie!

For the whole day, Kenta was bothering me. He twisted my arm (to get a marker), tried to paint my face and take my picture. Ah, but he’s such a child. I stepped on his shoe and he got all mad and kept on asking me “Do you know how much these cost?” Ah, child. Oh, his mom and brother were here today. His brother kinda looks like him, but I wasn’t expecting his mom to look so.. old and –pardon me- wide. She’s a red-headed (although I don’t think it’s natural) about 50 years of age. She always had a smile on her face, but it was a unsettling kind of smile. I don’t know.

We had to bow for the finale at 2:30, and before we went on stage, I saw Oh. I wasn’t at all nervous before that (even when I was doing Taikou on stage), but I instantly felt a wave of nausea when I saw him. He just stood there, tall and dark as always. I pretended hot to see him, although I always kept him in my peripheral vision. I lost him before we went on stage, and I panicked a little. I didn’t find him (or rather, he didn’t stop by the booth) until it was over. By then, we were trying to get rid of the un-sold hot dogs. He bought two and offered people the other one. He offered me and Rachel, but we both said no. In the end, I think Simon took it. He’s so nice. He wasn’t even hungry –he told me himself that he had too much to eat today. O sat down on the empty chair and I attempted at a conversation. I asked him about his day, and he told me that he just came back from a game. It was the 1^st year’s game, and they lost.

After that, we had to pack up for the day. He helped with the boxes on the second floor. He wasn’t obligated to do anything, but he still helped out. Somehow, he cut his hand again. I swear, this boy is playing the sympathy card. I just wanted to grab his hand and hug him. AHHHH! Good thing I didn’t.

On the way home, I told Kat about O. I couldn’t keep my emotions bottled in another second longer. Kat said that it was ‘cute’ and that she ‘knew it was going to happen’. Apparently Yura doesn’t like O as I thought she did (although she was molesting him and trying to draw on him with marker today). Yura likes Hikaru. Ugh, but I think Yura told Oh that I don’t like him in that way, and that’s why he’s not so… forward about it anymore. I’ll sleep on it and see what happens tomorrow.

Anyways, Kat, Amanda, Levana and I watched ‘Love Shuffle’. 6 episodes of it to be exact. It’s a really addicting series. We’ll finish it tomorrow.

October 25, 2009  (hard to highlight, because everything is related to O)

Am I in love? Or am I just in love with the idea of being in love?

Kitchen and Café people had to be at the school by 7:30, but because booth work doesn’t start until 8:30, I got to sleep in for a little.

We were at school by 8:30, and we just passed out fliers for an hour. It seemed easier than yesterday, much easier. After that, we had to sell food. First, I went to Simon. I actually learned a lot from him. I learned to go up to people instead of just yelling. We sold the box pretty fast, although it was quite difficult to sell the last muffin.

I was in the middle of sorting out my feelings about O when he suddenly appeared out of nowhere. We ended up standing at the booth, chatting. He told me that he really misses Taiwan, and has only been back once since he arrived here. He won’t be going back this year of next year because the new Taiwanese people are coming and he’ll have to be a sempai. Supposedly, the two guys are the same height as O. Anyways, he told me about how he and his parents have small disagreements over the phone. He doesn’t want to fight while he’s so far away from home, but his parents are supposedly disappointed in him. He’s played as an infielder since elementary school, but Daiichi put him on outfield because he’s tall. His parents kept saying that he might as well go back to Taiwan and play infield. He doesn’t like it when they say that. Oh, and he has one older sister who’s 21 this year. It makes me feel really young. >.<

I told him how I’m an only child and how I wasn’t used to doing things on my own in the beginning (like laundry). He had the same problem too, but his sempais helped him through it.

From out chat, I felt like he’s a really down-to-earth and honestly guy.

One more thing. He won a really long stick of gum (I’m talking at least a meter) from a booth game. He unwrapped it and offered me a some. I refused at first, but he’s persistent. I took a bite in the end. Would it be an indirect kiss if he bit off a piece after I did? Ah, it made me sort of embarrassed. Thank goodness he offered everyone some, because it would’ve been really awkward if it was just me. I learned that he’s the sort of guy who shares his food (even with people he barely knows). I really like that about him.

At about 11:30, Kat and Rachel went to lunch. I wanted to talk to him more, but I left a few minutes after too. We had udon and chicken, but I felt sick and didn’t eat much.

After lunch, Kat and I partnered up to sell another box. O wasn’t around, so we just went ahead. I used the simon-technique this time and we sold a lot. There were only about 5 Churosu left, so it was getting harder and harder to sell. Luckly, O spotted us. I thought he was going to buy some, but he ended up taking the box from me. I asked him where he went (because he told me that he’d be there when I came back from lunch), and he told me that he was looking for me. Hazukashii yo!!! Kat felt awkward, so she went and left O and I to sell the leftovers. It was funny, because no one can see inside the box because O’s too tall. He had to squat to show the customers. At times, I found myself trailing behind him, laughing at the situation. It made my heart accelerate and my head ache. Oh, and he cut his hand again. I told him to go inside and wash it, but he didn’t listen.

I tried my best to persuade people to buy, but I couldn’t help feeling defeated when they walk away. I think I unconsciously kick my feet when I’m angry, and O imitated me and called me cute. That left me really embarrassed.

We were so happy went back with the empty box. Unfortunately, that happiness was short-lived. They just stocked the boxes with more food and sent us on our way. At that point, the famous girl was already on stage and everyone was eagerly watching the show. That was really hard to sell, but thanks to his amazing connections with the sport teams and stuff, we managed to get (or rather, he managed to persuade) a lot of the sport people to buy something. It was REALLY REALLY awkward near the end, when we went up to 3 of his baseball buddies. I think they teased him about me. At one point, they asked me ‘Kanojo?’, and stupid me, I nodded. Only because I thought that they were asking me if I was Chinese! AHHH! I felt so retarded. No matter how much I shook my head after that, they kept laughing. One of the guys took a picture of us as well. Now, looking back, it feels more awkward than it was during that moment. Oh, and Stef took a picture of O and I too.

We were down to our last two hot dogs and we were ready to give up. I didn’t bring any money and he only had a 5000 yen bill. We were so thankful when the other Chinese baseball dude took it off of us. I don’t think I couldn’t have sold half as much if I weren’t with O. Gah, he’s so nice!

I went to the bathroom, and after I came back, he was gone. I can’t describe how upset I was. I sneaked glanced at the crowd at every chance I got. About 30 minutes later, he came back in blue sweatpants and a matching shirt. Man, he has nice arms. He’s not overly buff, but he’s muscular for sure.

By that time, the festival was almost over and students were trying hard to sell any leftovers. He had to leave, but not before giving me this ice cream crepe thing. I refused at first (like I always do), but he made me hold out my hand, and as soon as I did, he gave the cup to me and walked away. The baseball team had to help take down the stage and stuff, I think. It was a delicious ice cream, and I felt overjoyed. This is the first time I’ve been ‘chased’ in my life, the first time a boy gave me anything (not counting my crush in grade 2, of course). Before that, his friend offered me yakisoba (omg, like, everyone’s nice to me because they know he likes me), but I said no. O took the bowl from him and said ‘Here, she’ll only eat if I feed her’ and attempted to feed me. I WAS SO EMBARRASSED! Three girls asked me if I was going out with him today (not counting his friends), and so I didn’t want to do anything else that’ll focus more attention on me. I put my hand over my mouth and shou’ed him away.  I was really happy, but Kat was sad. She told me that she’s giving up on both Dean and Hiroki. Dean because someone else likes him (I’m guessing Mizuki or Ai?), and Hiroki because he has to leave in December. Yea, she was really sad. I had to tone down my happiness because of it.

When the festival ended, we helped clean up and put everything away. In the school, we moved back the desks and chairs, clean tape off of ninensei desks and cleaned. O was there helping too. The thing I don’t understand is why. Why would he help us (when clearly, the baseball team all went home)? Everybody likes him. The ichinensei girls love him, and the ninenseis were really thankful to have his help. Even Rachel really likes him. He helped her move stuff like the teachers desks. Rachel said that he’s a ‘gentleman’ and that he’s the type that’ll ‘take really good care’ of me. She likes him so much that she even ordered me to go out with him. Now I really really like him.

I got windex from cleaning the desk at one point and was about to go wash my hands when O asked me for a high five. I told him that my hands were dirty and went on my way. When I came back, Lyshae was laughing and telling me that I broke his heart. I guess I put it back together when he gave me props. J he was really cute. Looked really good in sweats.

He stayed until 5:30. We had a meeting in the ninensei room, and he asked if I wanted him to wait for me. I told him not to. Our meeting was really short, so we ended up bumping into him and O and the other baseballer. He gave me a high five. I think I skipped all the way home.

We finished watching Love Shuffle tonight. I really liked the Oji/Kei pairing. The airport scene was especially cute. It reminded me of how short I am compared to O. I think I wouldn’t be able to reach his lips unless I was wearing heels and stepped on a platform. Aiyaiyai… Enough about Oh. My plan is to move slow and steady and don’t seem too interested.

Tomorrow’s a new day with no mistakes in it.

GUYSSS! HEEELLPPP! I really like him, but it’s moving waaayyy to fast. I have a feeling that the next time I see him, something big’s gonna happen. I wanna be his girlfriend, but I’m don’t think I’m comfortable hanging out with his friends. His friends speak mandarin, and I don’t understand a lot of what they’re saying because my mandarin sucks (and because Taiwanese people have different accents). Also, being around the baseball team is ultra awkward. I can hardly speak any Japanese, and the fact that they’re all good-looking does not help my situation.

Can you like someone without knowing anything about him? I realized that I don’t even know his full name. I don’t know anything about his family, his life and anything about him. Is this happening way too fast? Am I really in love? Should I distance myself from him for a while? Or should I just go with it and tell him that I like him?

I woke up 5 times last night, and 5 times, I woke up remembering a dream I had about him. It’s weird because I never dream about guys. I don’t think I’ve ever dreamt about a guy I liked.

Please help! Tasukete kudasai!

EDIT: October 27

Nothing really happened today... it's just that afterschool, he waved to me for about 5 minutes. Our school is 'is like 'U' shaped, so we can see across the windows and stuff. He kept waving! :P was cute cute,.. but embarrassing. We also had phys.ed today at the same time, and he helped carry 5 poles (donno what for), while the other guys carried like, 2 at a time. He still manages to smile at me.

The usual reaction of people to my last name is 'What?', 'Huh?', 'WTF?' or just 'ZIN/SSSIN?'

辛

Mandarin Pronunciation (PinYin)- XIN

Mandarin Pronunciation (Tang Dynasty)- SIN

Cantonese Pronunciation- SAN

Japanese Pronunciation- SHIN, KARAI, TSURAI, KANOTO

Korean Pronunciation- SIN

*I'm pretty sure you've all seen my last name at least once in your lifetime (even if you're non-asian). Hint- The red, spicy, Korean ramyun (noodles).

Apparently, it means 'Eight' (or seven, I forgot...) 'spicy/hot', 'difficult' and 'bitter'. Although it's a common character -you see it on ramen bowls and any hot asian food-, I've never met another person with the same last name (although there is a girl in our school with 'XING' and the same first name).

Ok, I understand it's a bit difficult to say, but must I repeat myself 300 times? Do you think it's funny when my teacher pronunced it wrong at grad after I taught her for 2 days straight? Yes, it was so hilarious when it's the first day of school and the teacher goes "Smith. (here!) Tam (heeere.) Sin? Shin? Zin? (umm...) *chuckles* Did I pronunce it correctly? "  and everyone turns to look at me while she struggles to say 'XIN' before finally giving up.

Last year, I signed up to do '30 hour famine' in my school. We had to sign our names -which were ordered my surname, as usual- and put it in a folder. Apparently, there was no 'X' sign-up sheet, let alone a 'X' binder! I had to wait 10 minutes while the guy ran around to find a spare. Just my luck.

I remember one time when I was about 9 years old, I threw a temper tantrum when my parents wouldn't change my last name to 'Alaska' (LOL) or 'Johnson'. =P

Now, I don't hate my last name anymore, but I still rather have my great-grandma's (Mei) or mom's surname (Gong). It'd sure save some trouble...

I do hope I marry well (rich! haha) and have the opportunity to change it. =) Phelps, Shun, Crawford, Naohito are all fine with me. ;D

We Have Lived and Loved Together

We have lived and loved together
Through many changing years;
We have shared each other's gladness
And wept each other's tears;
I have known ne'er a sorrow
That was long unsoothed by thee;
For thy smiles can make a summer
Where darkness else would be.

Like the leaves that fall around us
In autumn's fading hours,
Are the traitor's smiles, that darken
When the cloud of sorrow lowers;
And though many such we've known, love,
Too prone, alas, to range,
We both can speak of one love
Which time can never change.

We have lived and loved together
Through many changing years,
We have shared each other's gladness
And wept each other's tears.
And let us hope the future,
As the past has been will be:
I will share with thee my sorrows,
And thou thy joys with me.

~Charles Jefferys (1807 - 1865)